• Life is unsure, eat your dessert first.

  • If you cannot convince someone, atleast confuse them.

  • Say the truth but from far away.

  • Smile; because it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

  • Be happy because it’s the best revenge.

  • Kill your enemies by your silence.

  • Care for yourself, because people care for those who care for themselves.

  • Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

More Funny Quotes

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Tuner

You can wear as much as you want in cold, but you cannot remove as much as you desire in summer.


Writers don’t get mad they get even in their novels.

Candace C. Bowen

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you’re the one getting slapped with the stick.

Carroll Bryant

If you want breakfast in bed, you have to consider sleeping in the kitchen.

Foster “Raul” Mkhabele

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Oliver Herford

One day Mr. See Sea sea and Mr. Saw did not see sea, see saw sea and jumped in sea. Saw did not see sea but jumped in sea. Sea saw saw in sea and Saw saw see in sea. See saw both saw sea and both saw and see were happy to see sea.


I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.

Carl Sandburg

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain